Handcuffs and Hundreds

Translated With Secret A.L.I.E.N. Technology:

Dear Alien,

I am very worried about you. Your cousin, Freddy, sent me an intergalactic space message. He writes that you have resorted to "dancing for money" in order to find a bride,

that you had an altercation with Earthling authorities,

and that you were involved in a prison break.

Please come home and abandon this absurd mission of yours.

Love,

Your Mother

I'm going to kill Freddy!

And the prison break looked more like this.

But one good thing came out of the Bachelor party. Thanks to Puddles, Pip, Mayzie and Daisy, several girls have asked me to be their date to the Wedding. (Apparently they think I'm hero) I know I will find my bride.