Translated with secret A.L.I.E.N. Technology:
Well, it's Puddles's Birthday Roast and I've decided to let the truth out of the proverbial bag. The truth is that Puddles is obsessed with me. As many of you know, I am searching for a bride to take back to my planet, Hicbar. Since announcing my mission-and the fact that I'm a prince-Puddles has, non to discreetly, suggested that she wants to go out with me. Point in fact, these posts: Here, here, and here. See what I mean? Fantasies of abduction, luring me into quiet, Hawaiian coves with a six pack of beer, whispering sweet nothings into my hearing ducts...Well, I'm not usually into assertive women, but since today is a special day, I've decided to take Puddles for a flight in my spaceship.
So here's to you, Puddles. You crazy, obsessed doggie you.
On this special day, may all your deepest wishes come true. Happy Birthday!